Bradford Pearson

Sexy Sax Man Melts Your Face

2011-03-15T17:25:00.003Z

I might be a little late to this, but screw it. What a beast.

My first favorite song: Michael Bolton "Steel Bars"

2011-03-11T16:15:00.003Z

On AV Club today, the Friday Q&A centers around the staffers' first favorite songs. Most are pretty shitty, but can you really blame them? These are the inner workings of children, people, and more to the point, their parents' tastes.

My parents' musical oeuvres rested in two camps: Christian music and soft rock. So, predictably, my first favorite song came from one of those genres.

The year was 1992. I was 7. The song was Michael Bolton's "Steel Bars." Looking it up now, it's remarkable that this song even crossed my radar. It only reached a peak of number 7 on the Adult Contemporary chart, not even making it to the Billboard 100.

But for some reason, Q92.1 played the shit out of that song, and I loved it.

Of the 200 comments on YouTube, this one sums up this song the best:

"We were to have Love is a wonderful thing to play at our wedding but the button was pushed 1 to many times and this song was played instead. lol"

Later in my youth I would migrate towards the alt-rock abyss of Green Day and Better Than Ezra (1995, what!), but in 1992, Michael Bolton had my heart.

Comments are open for your faves.

Parents, teach your children well

2011-03-10T15:53:00.004Z

(Below is a quick story I posted on my paper's blog about an incident that happened to me at a local middle school. It was stupid, kind of funny, and now the school administration is being brought into it, for some reason. ANYWAY, thought yeez would find it entertaining.

Not sure if this is the start of me blogging again more regularly, but maybe so.)

Quick story from Highland Park Middle School yesterday.

So I’m walking into the school at about 3:45 for a 2011-2012 budget work session, when I hear from over my shoulder “Hey mister, nice satchel!”

I immediately thought to myself, “Good call, 13-year-old girl. This is, in fact, a stylish leather shoulder briefcase that I received as a birthday present from my lovely fiance. I like it as well!”

My thought was shattered when one of her friends yelled to me, “(word often used, a.) in a derogatory way to describe a a gay man, b.) to describe a British cigarette, or c.) to describe a small pile of sticks).”

Now I’m not one to shy away from coarse language, as I’m sure anyone here at Park Cities People would attest. I use it too often, I admit. But this one struck me as a bit rough around the edges.

I talked to the girl who yelled “small pile of sticks” to me, who claimed she didn’t yell it at me. I believe she said, “I just yelled it.”

Look it. I was in middle school once too, child, and I know the tricks. Own up to it, though, and maybe we can all learn a lesson.

Or not. Jerks.

(Ed. note- One of her friends was wearing a killer Metallica “…And Justice For All” t-shirt, so I couldn’t be totally mad.)

Lyndon Baines Johnson talks about his nuts

2011-01-17T16:51:00.004Z

In 1964, Lyndon Johnson needed pants, so he called the Haggar clothing company and asked for some. The call was recorded (like all White House calls at the time), and has since become the stuff of legend. Johnson’s anatomically specific directions to Mr. Haggar are some of the most intimate words we’ve ever heard from the mouth of a President.

Via Put This On

Kurt Vonnegut = Top Chef's Fabio Viviani

2011-01-12T18:07:00.003Z

Just an observation.

Am I totally off on this? Add a few pounds, a few years, and heaps of literary fame, of course.

Lil' P-Nut KILLS IT on the mic

2010-10-13T18:15:00.003+01:00

Seven years old. What a baller. The only thing I was good at when I was 7 was sticking vitamins up my nose. True story.

Kudos to Lanny Dong for this.

RIP Brett Hudson

2010-10-12T00:36:00.003+01:00

I know I haven't written for a few months (yes, K and I make it to Texas), but I wanted to post a video of Brett Hudson, a person who brought more joy to my life in three days than I thought possible.

Brett passed away after a long illness, one that took his hair, his voice, and eventually his body, but not his love, his mind, or his smile. I met Brett Hudson on a cool Charlotte night, and a week hasn't passed since that I haven't thought of his laugh.

I will miss Brett Hudson, for entirely selfish reasons. He made me smile. RIP Brett.

(Video courtesy of the legendary Charlie Shoemaker.)

Guinness World Record Holder to Circle the Bases While Engulfed in Flames

2010-08-06T16:21:00.003+01:00

Since the press release speaks for itself, here some some portions:

SAVANNAH, GA - The Savannah Sand Gnats are truly bringing the heat with a first-ever fire promotion at a minor league baseball game on Saturday, August 14 with Guinness World Record Holder, Ted Batchelor. After the Sand Gnats' game against the Kannapolis Intimidators, which will begin at 6:05, and before the evening's fireworks show, one lucky fan will light Batchelor on fire; he will then circle the bases at Historic Grayson Stadium.

"This is a game-changer," said Sand Gnats President John Katz. "Instead of having our promotions crew do the Cha-Cha Slide between the game and the fireworks, we're going to light a match and make some memories. Some really, really cool memories."

"Light a match and make some memories." I seem to remember Timothy McVeigh saying something similar.

But wait, there's more! It's also Marine Corps Appreciation Night, so at least some people with experience in emergency medicine may be on hand.

Via @richarddeitsch
More more info, go here

Paul Rudd as a bat mitzvah DJ

2010-08-04T13:50:00.003+01:00

Yesterday we had Tina Fey's 1995 Mutual Savings Bank commercial. Today we have footage from a 1992 bat mitzvah, where Paul Rudd was the DJ.

There's air guitar. There's candle-blowing. There's a ridiculous haircut. Enjoy.

Paul Rudd: Bat Mitzvah DJ from Jewish Forward on Vimeo.

Via The Jewish Daily Forward

Tina Fey's 1995 Mutual Savings Bank commercial...

2010-08-03T13:46:00.003+01:00

...is hilarious.

Mutual Savings Bank - "Hi!" - Featuring Tina Fey from Purple Onion Films on Vimeo.

How the person in the above video became the person in the below photo must be the stuff of legends in Hollywood.

via Gawker

The Happiest Party DJ in the World, aka "My Life on Speed"

2010-07-19T17:10:00.002+01:00

I can't watch this video without smiling. The fact that this guy gets so jacked over a Kid Cudi song makes me want to believe in Santa Claus again.

If you're having a terrible Monday, this is the cure. Plus, cat DJ pic!

via @HuffPo

The Muppets and Zach Galifianakis, plus an explanation

2010-07-16T15:28:00.003+01:00

First off, this is one of the strangest videos I've seen in months. It includes The Muppets, the band OK Go, This American Life host Ira Glass, and Zach Galifianakis.

Secondly, I apologize for not posting consistently these past few weeks. As some of you know, I'M MOVING TO MOTHER-FLIPPING DALLAS, TEXAS, YA'LL. K got a fancy-pants lawyer job down there, so I'm along for the ride.

So, I've been spending time "trying to find a job" and haven't been posting. That's on me.

But here's a way YOU can help. Find me a job. I'm good at readin and writin, and fancy book learnin, too! So make it happen minions.

LeBron James is a jerk

2010-07-09T14:58:00.001+01:00

That is all.

Greatest Pabst Blue Ribbon commercial ever

2010-06-30T16:18:00.003+01:00

Since the U.S. Men's National Team lost to Ghana on Saturday, morale has been low. Here's the boost we all need, as Americans.

"So that's why I tell my son, if you're going to buy anything American-owned, buy Pabst Blue Ribbon. And I actually tell the clerks at the convenience store when they ask for his ID I say 'No, you check the state, he's from Missouri. That's an American citizen. He could be four years old, you sell him this because he's buying American and stimulating the American economy'."

This old picture from Antiques Roadshow looks just like Michael Showalter

2010-06-29T15:09:00.003+01:00

So Joel, K and I were watching Antiques Roadshow last night, and this lady brought in a photo of some Civil War soldier, her great-great-grandfather or something. (On another note, his name was Thomas George Washington Jefferson, which I guess by today's standards is kind of like naming your kid Lady Angelina Jolie Gaga.)

ANYWAY, the dude looked JUST like Michael Showalter (Stella, The State, Wet Hot American Summer). See for yourself:

History, the say, is a living thing.

The New York Post's poor attempt at consoling American soccer fans

2010-06-28T17:49:00.000+01:00

Well played.

The U.S. Men's National Team victory, from around the world

2010-06-25T13:49:00.002+01:00

This video is so patriotic it makes me want to eat apple pie with a bald eagle. Goosebumps.

Facebook, the movie

2010-06-21T15:40:00.002+01:00

"The Social Network" is slated to hit theaters in October. It's about the founding of Facebook, and stars Jesse Eisenberg, Rashida Jones, and Justin Timberlake. Since I'll watch anything with Rashida Jones I'll be there in the theater, but what do you think? Lame, or necessary?

Also, it's directed by David Fincher ("Fight Club" "Seven") and written by Aaron Sorkin ("The West Wing").

The poster just came out the other day, which I think is awesome but others tend to disagree.

Bullfighter arrested for fleeing ring

2010-06-16T15:44:00.003+01:00

Meet Christian Hernandez. By all accounts he's a handsome, brave 22-year-old Mexican bullfighter. Until, of course, he wasn't.

During a bullfight last week, he just up and bounced. Right in the middle of the match (game? event? fight?). Dude just jumped out of the ring.

Then, because Mexican law is CRAZY, he was arrested for breach of contract. Presumably, though, it was because other bullfighters were jealous that they hadn't thought of getting the hell out of the way first.

So. Is he a coward? Or a genius?

The Situation releases his first rap single

2010-06-15T14:55:00.002+01:00

For those of you who can't wait until the second season of Jersey Shore premieres, The Situation will release his first rap single "The Situation" (catchy, right?). TMZ has a clip of it, and, all kidding aside, it's terrible.

Sounds I believe the song includes:

- air-raid siren
- the G-Chat, "You've got a message" beep
- some sort of power boost

Listen for yourself:

Jozy Altidore destroys a British tea party

2010-06-12T15:51:00.001+01:00

USA USA USA

The Day The World Died, aka, The Day John McCain Tweeted Snooki

2010-06-10T15:01:00.003+01:00

There are so many things wrong with this, I don't know where to start.

1.) Why is the VERIFIED John McCain Twitter account following Snooki? Seriously, he follows 137 people, and one of them is Snooki?
2.) Why is he discussing tax policy with Snooki?
3.) WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

Tuesday Night Trivia: answer key

2010-06-09T14:56:00.002+01:00

1. What African-American athlete won four gold medals at the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin?

Jesse Owens

2. In what city was Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated?

Memphis

3. Match the author to their work:

Zora Neale Hurston- Their Eyes Were Watching God
Richard Wright- Black Boy
Langston Hughes- I, Too, Sing America
James Baldwin- Notes of a Native Son

4. Who was the first African-American U.S. Supreme Court Justice?

Thurgood Marshall

5. Which U.S. amendment abolished slavery?

13th

6. Jackie Robinson was the first African-American player to play in the National League. Who was the first to play in the American League? (One point bonus for the team he played on initially.)

Larry Doby, Cleveland Indians

7. Briefly explain the term "40 acres and a mule."

Reparations for slavery, etc.

8. Where was John Brown's Raid held?

Harper's Ferry, WV

9. Briefly explain the Dred Scott Decision.

Among other things, people of African descent imported into the United States and held as slaves, or their descendants—whether or not they were slaves—were not protected by the Constitution and could never be citizens of the United States

10. In what U.S. city was Motown Records originally based?

Detroit

Bonus 1: Name as many Miles Davis albums as you can (One point each).

Look it up, there are like a bajillion

Bonus 2: Spike Lee has directed 35 movies/television movies. Name them (.5 points each)

(See above)

Bonus 3: Who is Crispus Attucks?

First man killed during the Boston Massacre; mixed-race

Bonus 4: In what city was Rosa Parks asked to give up her seat to a white man?

Montgomery, AL

Some stats:

Number of participants: 7
High score: Tom M., 24.5 (!)
Low score: 6.5
Average score: 12.03
Median score: 10.5

Tuesday Night Trivia: African-American history

2010-06-08T14:55:00.002+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

1. What African-American athlete won four gold medals at the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin?

2. In what city was Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated?

3. Match the author to their work:

Zora Neale Hurston a. Black Boy
Richard Wright b. Their Eyes Were Watching God
Langston Hughes c. Notes of a Native Son
James Baldwin d. I, Too, Sing America

4. Who was the first African-American U.S. Supreme Court Justice?

5. Which U.S. amendment abolished slavery?

6. Jackie Robinson was the first African-American player to play in the National League. Who was the first to play in the American League? (One point bonus for the team he played on initially.)

7. Briefly explain the term "40 acres and a mule."

8. Where was John Brown's Raid held?

9. Briefly explain the Dred Scott Decision.

10. In what U.S. city was Motown Records originally based?

Bonus 1: Name as many Miles Davis albums as you can (One point each).

Bonus 2: Spike Lee has directed 35 movies/television movies. Name them (.5 points each)

Bonus 3: Who is Crispus Attucks?

Bonus 4: In what city was Rosa Parks asked to get up her seat to a white man?

Vote for Community Mediation Maryland to win a $50,000 Pepsi Refresh grant

2010-06-02T15:00:00.003+01:00

Usually I don't ask you to do anything but indulge me in my various rants. But today is different. Go to The Pepsi Refresh Project and vote for Community Mediation Maryland to win $50,000. It's a great organization that helps train and inspire youth mediators. For real.

They need to be one of the top 10 vote-getting projects to win the grant. They're currently 121st. So get on it! You can vote once a day until June 30.

Again, here's the link.

Friday Funhouse: new Kanye West track, "Power"

2010-05-28T16:00:00.003+01:00

Not sure what to think of it yet, but I think it's on the right track. New Kanye album out later this year.

(Aight the video got removed from YouTube, but you can check it over at HypeMachine.)

Two-year old smokes 40 cigarettes a day

2010-05-27T14:05:00.003+01:00

Seem like a baller. Not sure how he got down all the machinations of smoking, but he seems to be on the right track to being the coolest kid in elementary school. Provided he ends up toilet-trained.

Tuesday Night Trivia: answer key

2010-05-26T14:18:00.002+01:00

1. Match the state nickname to the appropriate state:
a. Show Me State Missouri
b. Beehive State Utah
c. Gem State Idaho
d. Big Sky Country Montana

2. What is Dr. Seuss’ real name?
Theodor Seuss Geisel

3. Please give a brief description of the term “Phi Slama Jama,” and who it is applied to.
Keywords: University of Houston, Clyde Drexler, Hakeem Olajuwon, dunking

4. Name two nicknames for Babe Ruth, other than Babe (.5 each).
The Sultan of Swat, The King of Crash, The Colossus of Clout, The Great Bambino, etc.

5. The term “Oz” is used to describe what country?
AUstralia

6. Who is “The Muscles from Brussels”?
Jean Claude Van Damme

7. What European city is known as the “City of the Seven Hills”?
Rome

8. A “Nutmegger” is a person from what state?
Connecticut

9. Two U.S. presidents have earned the nickname “The Accidental President.” Name one of them. (Just think about it for a second.)
Millard Fillmore and Gerald Ford

10. What is Barack Obama’s Secret Service nickname?

1. Timberwolf
2. Trailblazer
3. Renegade
4. Rampage

Bonus #1: Who is The Butterscotch Bandit? Why (in the most PG way possible) was this person nicknamed this? (1 pt. each)

Owen Wilson, due to some bedroom "experiences"

Bonus #2: What is the word “Beastie” an acronym for in The Beastie Boys?

Boys Entering Anarchic States Towards Improved Excellence

Some stats:

Number of participants: 9
High score: Tom M., 8.5
Low score: 2
Average score: 6.05
Median score: 5.5

Tuesday Night Trivia: Nicknames

2010-05-25T14:33:00.004+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

1. Match the state nickname to the appropriate state:
a. Show Me State Montana
b. Beehive State Missouri
c. Gem State Utah
d. Big Sky Country Idaho

2. What is Dr. Seuss’ real name?

3. Please give a brief description of the term “Phi Slama Jama,” and who it is applied to.

4. Name two nicknames for Babe Ruth, other than Babe (.5 each).

5. The term “Oz” is used to describe what country?

6. Who is “The Muscles from Brussels”?

7. What European city is known as the “City of the Seven Hills”?

8. A “Nutmegger” is a person from what state?

9. Two U.S. presidents have earned the nickname “The Accidental President.” Name one of them. (Just think about it for a second.)

10. What is Barack Obama’s Secret Service nickname?

1. Timberwolf
2. Trailblazer
3. Renegade
4. Rampage

Bonus #1: Who is The Butterscotch Bandit? Why (in the most PG way possible) was this person nicknamed this? (1 pt. each)

Bonus #2: What is the word “Beastie” an acronym for in The Beastie Boys?

Worst day ever

2010-05-24T14:57:00.000+01:00

Spanish bullfighter Julio Aparicio is in critical condition after being gored through the throat by a bull Friday.

Ridic.

Tuesday Night Trivia: answer key

2010-05-19T14:25:00.003+01:00

1. Name the college attended by these former NBA players (.25 each):

a. Michael Jordan- UNC
b. Scottie Pippen- Central Arkansas
c. Charles Barkley- Auburn
d. Larry Bird- Indiana State

2. The Super Bowl trophy is named after who?

Vince Lombardi

3. Name two of the last five (5) Heisman trophy winners (.5 each).

Reggie Bush, Troy Smith, Tim Tebow, Sam Bradford, Mark Ingram

4. Wayne Gretzky played on four NHL teams during his career. Name two of them(.5 each).

Edmonton Oilers, Los Angeles Kings, St. Louis Blues, New York Rangers

5. You're taking an NBA three-pointer from the top of the key. How far away are you from the hoop? (Within one foot, include inches.)

23'9"

6. Match the sport to the term associated with it (.25 each):

a. scrum- rugby
b. scull- rowing
c. foil- fencing
d. mulligan-golf

7. Who is the first man in history to run a sub-four minute mile?

Sir Roger Bannister

8. Who holds the career MLB record for most bases stolen in a career?

Rickey Henderson

9. Briefly describe the difference between a 3-4 defense and 4-3 defense, in football.

Number of down linemen versus linebackers

10. Name the four disciplines in women's artistic gymnastics. Not rhythmic (.25 each).

Balance beam, vault, floor routine, uneven bars

Bonus #1: What is the ball called in jai alai?

Pelota

Bonus #2: Who is the number one seed in the 2010 Men's NCAA Lacrosse Championships?

Virginia

Bonus #3: Briefly explain who Eddie Gaedel is.

Shortest player to ever play in the MLB. Publicity stunt. Midget.

Some stats:

Number of participants: 11
High score: 11.75, tied between Ryan P. and Leo S.
Low score: 5.75
Average score: 9.02
Median score: 8.75

Tuesday Night Trivia: Sports!

2010-05-18T04:20:00.007+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

1. Name the college attended by these former NBA players (.25 each):

a. Michael Jordan
b. Scottie Pippen
c. Charles Barkley
d. Larry Bird

2. The Super Bowl trophy is named after who?

3. Name two of the last five (5) Heisman trophy winners (.5 each).

4. Wayne Gretzky played on four NHL teams during his career. Name two of them(.5 each).

5. You're taking an NBA three-pointer from the top of the key. How far away are you from the hoop? (Within one foot, include inches.)

6. Match the sport to the term associated with it (.25 each):

a. scrum 1. golf
b. scull 2. rugby
c. foil 3. rowing
d. mulligan 4. fencing

7. Who is the first man in history to run a sub-four minute mile?

8. Who hopes the career MLB record for most bases stolen in a career?

9. Briefly describe the difference between a 3-4 defense and 4-3 defense, in football.

10. Name the four disciplines in women's artistic gymnastics. Not rhythmic (.25 each).

Bonus #1: What is the ball called in jai alai?

Bonus #2: Who is the number one seed in the 2010 Men's NCAA Lacrosse Championships?

Bonus #3: Briefly explain who Eddie Gaedel is.

Lada Gaga, via a middle school boy, bassoons and NPR

2010-05-13T15:46:00.002+01:00

Three videos, each amazing in their own way.

1. A middle-school boy crushes his school's talent show, with a balling rendition of "Paparazzi." Seriously, kid crushes it.

2. Lada Gaga, played by a bassoon quartet. Probably the first and only time a bassoon quartet will be mentioned on this blog.

3. "Telephone," from the man who usually brings us All Things Considered.

Pop quiz, hotshot: answer key

2010-05-12T14:16:00.003+01:00

1. What is the difference between New England clam chowder and Manhattan clam chowder?

New England is cream-based, while Manhattan is a clear broth with tomato

2. In what state was the first McDonald’s?

d. California

3. Put these Starbucks sizes in order, from smallest to largest:

Short
Tall
Grande
Venti

4. In what New York neighborhood is the original Nathan’s Famous hot dog stand?

Coney Island

5. Please define scrapple. I’ll accept a variety of answers, and will award between .25 and 1 points for a correct answer.

Acceptable buzz words: Philadelphia, pork scraps, chunk of garbage

6. What are Rocky Mountain oysters?

Bull balls

7. What is a chuckwagon?

Wagon used to transport food in the old West

8. Which of these famous chefs is NOT American?

a. Julia Child
b. Emeril Lagasse
c. Paul Prudhomme
d. Hubert Keller

9. The Caesar Salad is thought to have been created in what American city?
a. New York
b. Los Angeles
c. Seattle
d. San Diego

10. What is a muffuletta?

New Orleans sandwich with cold cuts and olive spread

Bonus #1: Residents of what U.S. state eat more SPAM per capita than any other?

Hawaii

Bonus #2: Name the four traditional ingredients in Eggs Benedict (.25 each).

Eggs, English muffin, Hollandaise sauce, ham

Bonus #3: In the same vein, list the two ingredients (other than clams) used to create Clams Casino.

Bacon, bread crumbs

Some stats:
Number of entries: 8
High score: 9.5, John Sheldon
Low score: 4.5, he-who-shall-remain-nameless
Average score: 7.34
Median score: 7

Pop Quiz, Hotshot: American food

2010-05-11T15:01:00.001+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted Baltimore friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

So, I decided that every Tuesday night, I'll post my quiz from the day. If you want to participate, leave your answers in the comments. Maybe if this catches on I'll give away a prize or something.

1. What is the difference between New England clam chowder and Manhattan clam chowder?

2. In what state was the first McDonald’s?

a. Florida
b. Texas
c. Indiana
d. California

3. Put these Starbucks sizes in order, from smallest to largest:

a. Venti
b. Tall
c. Short
d. Grande

4. In what New York neighborhood is the original Nathan’s Famous hot dog stand?

5. Please define scrapple. I’ll accept a variety of answers, and will award between .25 and 1 points for a correct answer.

6. What are Rocky Mountain oysters?

7. What is a chuckwagon?

8. Which of these famous chefs is NOT American?

a. Julia Child
b. Emeril Lagasse
c. Paul Prudhomme
d. Hubert Keller

9. The Caesar Salad is thought to have been created in what American city?
a. New York
b. Los Angeles
c. Seattle
d. San Diego

10. What is a muffuletta?

Bonus #1: Residents of what U.S. state eat more SPAM per capita than any other?

Bonus #2: Name the four traditional ingredients in Eggs Benedict (.25 each).

Bonus #3: In the same vein, list the two ingredients (other than clams) used to create Clams Casino.

Friday Funhouse: a 72-year-old Buzz Aldrin punches a man in the face

2010-05-07T15:57:00.000+01:00

The title pretty much sums this post up. A little old, put worth watching for sure. Oh, and I blatantly stole this from Ross' Gchat status. Visit his site here.

Please pray for Brett Hudson

2010-05-06T14:22:00.005+01:00

Not many of you know Brett Hudson, but he could use your help. If you're a prayerful person, pray for him. If you're an atheist, I don't know, send him good vibes. If you're a free-market capitalist, buy something in his honor.

See Brett is sick. Very sick. And this couldn't happen to a nicer, funnier, more caring person in the entire world.

Watch these videos, and you'll see. Then just hope.

(Videos after the jump.)

Tuesday Night Trivia: answer key

2010-05-05T14:26:00.003+01:00

1. What four states make up the “Four Corners”

Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado

2. Match the state capital to the state (.25 each):

Cheyenne Wyoming
Frankfort Kentucky
Helena Montana
Concord new Hampshire

3. Name the four of the five Great Lakes (.25 each)

HuronOntarioMichiganErieSuperior

4. Maine used to be part of what other U.S. state?

Massachusetts

5. The region known as “Acadiana” is found in what U.S. state?

Louisiana

6. Name two of the three rivers found in Pittsburgh (.5 each).

Ohio, Allegheny, Monongahela

7. Match the national park to the state it’s found in (.25 each):

Yosemite California
Badlands South Dakota
Carlsbad Caverns New Mexico
Glacier Montana

8. The Erie Canal is found in what state?

New York

9. When the Transcontinental Railroad was completed, the final stake was driven in what U.S. state?

Utah

10. Two states each have eight states bordering them. Name them both (.5 each)

Tennessee, Missouri

Bonus #1: The Louisiana Purchase included part or all of how many U.S. states?

14

Bonus #2: Four state capitals are named after U.S. presidents. Name them (.5 each)

Jefferson City, Jackson, Lincoln, Madison

Bonus #3: From 1774 to 1800, the U.S. Congress met in eight cities other than Washington, D.C., thus making each (technically) a United States capital. Name those eight cities (.5 each). Only the first eight cities you list will be counted.

Philly; York, Pa.; Lancaster, Pa.; Baltimore, New York, Princeton, N.J.; Annapolis, Md.; Trenton, N.J.

Some statistics:

Number of test-takers: 12
Highest score: 12, Scott D.
Average score: 9.52
Median score: 9.75

Tuesday Night Trivia: U.S. Geography

2010-05-04T14:32:00.001+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted Baltimore friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

So, I decided that every Tuesday night, I'll post my quiz from the day. If you want to participate, leave your answers in the comments. Maybe if this catches on I'll give away a prize or something.

1. What four states make up the “Four Corners”

2. Match the state capital to the state (.25 each):

Cheyenne Montana
Frankfort Kentucky
Helena New Hampshire
Concord Wyoming

3. Name the four of the five Great Lakes (.25 each)

4. Maine used to be part of what other U.S. state?

5. The region known as “Acadiana” is found in what U.S. state?

6. Name two of the three rivers found in Pittsburgh (.5 each).

7. Match the national park to the state it’s found in (.25 each):

Yosemite Montana
Badlands California
Carlsbad Caverns South Dakota
Glacier New Mexico

8. The Erie Canal is found in what state?

9. When the Transcontinental Railroad was completed, the final stake was driven in what U.S. state?

10. Two states each have eight states bordering them. Name them both (.5 each)

Bonus #1: The Louisiana Purchase included part or all of how many U.S. states?

Bonus #2: Four state capitals are named after U.S. presidents. Name them (.5 each)

Bonus #3: From 1774 to 1800, the U.S. Congress met in eight cities other than Washington, D.C., thus making each (technically) a United States capital. Name those eight cities (.5 each). Only the first eight cities you list will be counted.

Friday Funhouse: the legend, Lawrence Taylor

2010-04-30T13:52:00.003+01:00

In an interview that he somehow believes to be appropriate, Lawrence Taylor explains how he was literally too drunk to remember anything about the night he was drafted. Get this man a deal with Coors Light!

Props to Eric M for the video

Steve Carell to leave The Office

2010-04-28T19:14:00.003+01:00

Maybe. When asked by the BBC whether he'll return to NBC's top-rated show after his contract expires in 2011, Carrell responded, "I don't think so. I think that will probably be my last year."'

So, let the speculation begin. Will NBC try to beat their highest-rated show to death by strapping it to the backs of Jim, Pam, and their baby? Will they try and woo Carell with, like, a bajillion dollars? Or will they realize the show has run its course and let it die an honorable death?

Stay tuned!

Tuesday Night Trivia answers

2010-04-28T14:19:00.004+01:00

1. “Frasier” was a spinoff of what show?

Cheers

2. Match the catchphrase to the series it appeared on:

“That’s what she said.” The Office

“Did I do thatttt?” Family Matters

“Eat my shorts!” The Simpsons

“Legend-wait for it- DARY.” How I Met Your Mother

3. In addition to the original “Law and Order,” the series has produced four spinoffs bearing the “Law and Order” moniker. Name them. (.25 points each)

Special Victims Unit, Criminal Intent, Trial by Jury, Crime and Punishment. There is also a Law and Order: Los Angeles in the works.

4. Two of the three longest running sitcoms of all time are animated. Name them. (.5 each)

Okay, this was supposed to be The Simpsons and King of the Hill, but South Park has now jumped up into the top three as well, so I accepted all of those answers.

5. Fill in the blank (note: these are each ONE WORD answers) (.25 each):

King of QUEENS (not the TWO WORD answer that most people gave, "the Hill")

The BEVERLY Hillbillies

SIX Feet Under

Laguna BEACH

6. Other than Conan O’Brien, four men have been the full-time host of “The Tonight Show.” Name two of them. (.5 each, .5 bonus for each of the other two)

Steve Allen
Jack Paar
Johnny Carson
Jay Leno

7. In 2009, which comedy series was nominated for more Emmy Awards in one year than any series ever before?

30 Rock

8. In what year did MTV debut?

c. 1981

9. Who won the first season of “American Idol”?

Kelly Clarkson

10. What do the following television personalities have in common? Hint, it’s in their blood.

They're all dirty Canucks.

a. Alex Trebek

b. Peter Jennings

c. Mike Myers

d. Pamela Anderson

Bonus #1: Name as many members of the original cast of Saturday Night Live as you can (.5 points each)

Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Garrett Morris, Laraine Newman, Gilda Radner

Bonus #2: Name the first four cities MTV's Real World was held in (.5 each, and I will only accept the first four answers you type)

New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, London

Bonus #3: Each of the five seasons of "The Wire" focused on a different theme. Name each theme. (.5 points each)

The Game, The Docks, The Politics, The Schools, The Press

A few statistics:

Total number of participants: 13
High score: Tom M. (16.75)
Average score: 12.69
Median score: 12.25

Tuesday Night Trivia: Television

2010-04-27T14:03:00.003+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted Baltimore friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

So, I decided that every Tuesday night, I'll post my quiz from the day. If you want to participate, leave your answers in the comments. Maybe if this catches on I'll give away a prize or something.

1. “Frasier” was a spinoff of what show?

2. Match the catchphrase to the series it appeared on:

“That’s what she said.”

“Did I do thatttt?”

“Eat my shorts!”

“Legend-wait for it- DARY.”

How I Met Your Mother

The Simpsons

Family Matters

The Office

3. In addition to the original “Law and Order,” the series has produced four spinoffs bearing the “Law and Order” moniker. Name them. (.25 points each)

4. Two of the three longest running sitcoms of all time are animated. Name them. (.5 each)

5. Fill in the blank (note: these are each ONE WORD answers) (.25 each):

King of ______

The ______ Hillbillies

_____ Feet Under

Laguna ______

6. Other than Conan O’Brien, four men have been the full-time host of “The Tonight Show.” Name two of them. (.5 each, .5 bonus for each of the other two)

7. In 2009, which comedy series was nominated for more Emmy Awards in one year than any series ever before?

8. In what year did MTV debut?

a. 1978

b. 1979

c. 1981

d. 1984

9. Who won the first season of “American Idol”?

10. What do the following television personalities have in common? Hint, it’s in their blood.

a. Alex Trebek

b. Peter Jennings

c. Mike Myers

d. Pamela Anderson

Bonus #1: Name as many members of the original cast of Saturday Night Live as you can (.5 points each)

Bonus #2: Name the first four cities MTV's Real World was held in (.5 each, and I will only accept the first four answers you type)

Bonus #3: Each of the five seasons of "The Wire" focused on a different theme. Name each theme. (.5 points each)

Friday Funhouse: Juvenile

2010-04-23T04:33:00.002+01:00

Mashups aren't new. Juvenile isn't new. This is pretty new (eh, five months old). And it has to be one of the best mashups I've heard in a long time. Including the elusive Miley Cyrus "Party in the U.S.A." and Mozart "Symphony No. 39 in E-flat major" mashup.

13 Word Review: To Kill a Mockingbird

2010-04-22T13:59:00.002+01:00

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Directed by Robert Mulligan
Starring Gregory Peck

For a 50 year old movie, incredibly complex. And really a perfect film.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Gangs of New York

Tuesday Night Trivia: Manly stuff (answer key)

2010-04-21T14:06:00.003+01:00

1. On February 11, 1990, Mike Tyson went into a bout a 42-1 favorite,
and came out as the loser. Who defeated him?

Buster Douglas

2. Bourbon is made primarily from what grain?

Corn

3. Briefly explain the infield fly rule.

At least one person on first, maybe one on second and third. Less than two outs. Automatic out called during an infield pop-up so the fielder doesn’t intentionally drop the ball and turn a double play.

4. How many women does Wilt Chamberlain claim to have slept with?

a. 10,000
b. 15,000
c. 20,000
d. 25,000

5. Who invented dynamite?

Nobel

6. Match the "Rocky" film to Rocky's opponent

Rocky Apollo Creed (though, it has been pointed out, it’s also his own demons)
Rocky II Creed
Rocky III Clubber Lang
Rocky IV Ivan Drago
Rocky V Tommy Gunn
Rocky Balboa (Ha! Just kidding that movie sucked.)

7. How many rounds does the Colt 45 (Colt Single Action Army) hold?

Six

8. Rank these poker hands from LEAST valuable to MOST valuable.

Three of a kind
Straight
Flush
Full House

9. Name one brand of chainsaws. (Not "Uh I bought this at Sears." The
actual brand.)

Stihl, Husqvarna, Craftsman, etc.

10. Fill in the blank on these classic, must-have albums (.25 each)

a. Johnny Cash "Live at FOLSOM Prison"
b. Beastie Boys "PAUL’S Boutique"
c. AC/DC "Highway to HELL"
d. Guns n Roses "APPETITE for Destruction"

Bonus:

1.)What does WD-40 stand for?

Water Displacement- 40th Attempt

2.) When felling a tree, your first chop should be parallel to the
ground. Your second chop should come ____ degrees above that first
chop. (I will accept anything within 5 degrees of the correct answer.)

There was some disagreement on this one, so I took anything from 45 to 60.

3.) Who is the greatest American novelist? I realize you may think
this is an opinion question, but it is not. Take a guess; maybe I'll
give you a half-point. Hint: it's a man.

William Faulkner.

4.) Name as many Bruce Springsteen albums as you can. Each is worth .5 points.

• 1973: Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J.
• 1973: The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle
• 1975: Born to Run
• 1978: Darkness on the Edge of Town
• 1980: The River
• 1982: Nebraska
• 1984: Born in the U.S.A.
• 1987: Tunnel of Love
• 1992: Human Touch
• 1992: Lucky Town
• 1995: The Ghost of Tom Joad
• 2002: The Rising
• 2005: Devils & Dust
• 2006: We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions
• 2007: Magic
• 2009: Working on a Dream

5.) What is Michael Jordan's middle name?

Jeffrey

A few statistics from this week's quiz:

14 participants
High score: Ryan P with 14.5
Average score: 8.15
Median score: 7

Tuesday Night Trivia: manly stuff

2010-04-20T04:32:00.002+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted Baltimore friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

So, I decided that every Tuesday night, I'll post my quiz from the day. If you want to participate, leave your answers in the comments. Maybe if this catches on I'll give away a prize or something.

This week's quiz: MANLY STUFF

1. On February 11, 1990, Mike Tyson went into a bout a 42-1 favorite,
and came out as the loser. Who defeated him?

2. Bourbon is made primarily from what grain?

3. Briefly explain the infield fly rule.

4. How many women did Wilt Chamberlain claim to have slept with?

a. 10,000
b. 15,000
c. 20,000
d. 25,000

5. Who invented dynamite?

6. Match the "Rocky" film to Rocky's opponent

Rocky Ivan Drago
Rocky II Apollo Creed
Rocky III Clubber Land
Rocky IV Tommy Gunn
Rocky V Apollo Creed
Rocky Balboa (Ha! Just kidding that movie sucked.)

7. How many rounds does the standard-issue Colt 45 (Colt Single Action Army) hold?

8. Rank these poker hands from LEAST valuable to MOST valuable.

Three of a kind
Flush
Straight
Full House

9. Name one brand of chainsaws. (Not "Uh I bought this at Sears." The
actual brand.)

10. Fill in the blank on these classic, must-have albums (.25 each)

a. Johnny Cash "Live at ______ Prison"
b. Beastie Boys "_____ Boutique"
c. AC/DC "Highway to _____"
d. Guns n Roses "______ for Destruction"

Bonus:

1.)What does WD-40 stand for?

2.) When felling a tree, your first chop should be parallel to the
ground. Your second chop should come ____ degrees above that first
chop. (I will accept anything within 5 degrees of the correct answer.)

3.) Who is the greatest American novelist? I realize you may think
this is an opinion question, but it is not. Take a guess; maybe I'll
give you a half-point. Hint: it's a man.

4.) Name as many Bruce Springsteen albums as you can. Each is worth .5 points.

5.) What is Michael Jordan's middle name?

My Case For: KFC's Double Down sandwich, aka "Yes, I actually ate one."

2010-04-19T03:41:00.004+01:00

(Photos courtesy of B. Chee)

On the first day, God made heaven & earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters....

...on the eighth day God created Col. Harland Sanders, who He sent to earth as a messenger for all that is right and good. "Go forth Harland," He said, "And give America what it so desires: a sandwich lacking bun, but not flavor. A sandwich combining the three American food groups: meat, cheese, and sauce. And do all of this for less than $5."

So Harland went forth and did His work, bestowing upon the world the Lord's most delicious dish, rivaling the sweetest of fruits:the Kentucky Fried Chicken Double Down sandwich.

So began my journey with the Double Down. I'd written about it for months, and on April 18, at 4:11 p.m EST, in Glen Burnie, Md., my dream came true. And to be honest, it was exactly what I expected it to be: meat, covered with cheese and sauce.

One thing I wasn't expecting: HOW MIND-BLOWINGLY DELICIOUS IT WAS. I mean, seriously! Take all the deliciousness of KFC chicken, take out those pesky bones and the need for a plate, and VOILA, 100 times better.

The Colonel sauce (which some people claim to be just mayo with spices, to which I say blasphemy! Try mayo with honey from heaven, and spices from the tomb of Tutunkhamun!) was just the way I like it: neon orange. The cheese? Processed, with a hint of jalapeno. The bacon? (At this point it just seems like bragging, right?) Fried to shit, but still edible.

Stick all those American dreams in between two big-ass fried chunks of chicken, and you got yourself the heaviest sandwich ever created.

Seriously, though, get to a KFC as soon as possible, because as soon as the Food and Drug Administration finds out about these bad boys, the jig is up. My fingers ballooned like Kirstie Alley after pilot season from all the salt. There's no way these will be legal for long.

One more quick tip. If you go for the combo meal, get cole slaw instead of potato wedges. I know that you're saying, "But Brad, those wedges are the bomb son!" FIGHT THAT URGE. You will need the nutrients from the cabbage in the slaw just to fight off your oncoming heart attack. Trust.

Friday Funhouse: trivia answers

2010-04-16T14:20:00.003+01:00

Answers from the Tuesday Night Trivia. A bunch of people answered this week, and if that continues next week maybe I'll start doling out some prizes.

1.) Three movies have won 11 Academy Awards in the same year. Name two
of them. (.5 each, 1 point bonus for the third)

Ben Hur

Titanic

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

2.) Match the famous quote to the film:

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Gone With The Wind

“Here’s looking at you, kid.” Casablanca

“You talkin to me?” Taxi Driver

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do
ya, punk?" Dirty Harry

3.) What is the name of the shrimp company Forrest opens in the 1994
film “Forrest Gump?”

Bubba Gump

4.) There are four Indiana Jones films. Name them. (.25 each)

Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom, Last Crusade, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

5.) Which of these four films did Martin Scorsese NOT direct?

a. Gangs of New York

b. Casino

c. The Departed

d. The Godfather, Part III

6.) What was the first feature film produced with sound? (One point
bonus: What year was it?)

The Jazz Singer, 1927

7.) In the 2007 classic “Hot Rod,” what flavor punch upsets Rico’s stomach?

Cherry

8.) What speed must Doc Brown’s DeLorean reach to time travel in the
Back to the Future films?

88 mph

9.) What were the names of the two burglars in Home Alone and Home
Alone 2: Lost in New York? Character names, not actor names.

Harry and Marv

10.) What is the highest grossing film of all-time, worldwide?

Non-inflation adjusted- Avatar

Adjusted for inflation- Gone With the Wind

Bonus #1: The movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High featured three future
Academy Award winners for Best Actor. Name them. (1 point each)

Sean Penn, Forrest Whitaker, Nicholas Cage

Bonus #2: Name as many members of the Ocean’s Eleven crew as possible.
Actor names, not character names. And I mean actual members of Danny
Ocean’s crew, not any other characters. Oh, and from the recent
Ocean’s Eleven film, not the one with Frank Sinatra back in the 60s.
Those are all the stipulations. (.5 each)

George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Bernie Mac, Elliot Gould, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Eddie Jemison, Shaobo Qin, Carl Reiner, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle

The most racist commercial you'll ever see.

2010-04-15T16:31:00.003+01:00

(Note: This advertisement isn't even the most racist thing on this page. Keep reading.)

Brought to you by the folks at KFC:

Apparently it's supposed to be about quieting down rowdy cricket fans, but it comes off as "lets feed these black people some chicken until the shut up."

A Tale of Two Chickens right now for KFC, really. The Double Down was just released, but now this. I guess it's a push.

KFC has pulled the commercial.

13 Word Review, bonus edition: The Brothers Bloom

2010-04-15T14:48:00.003+01:00

The Brothers Bloom (2008)
Directed by Rian Johnson
Starring Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody, and Rachel Weisz

Great writing, but falls off at the end. But the clothes! The clothes!

Up next in the Netflix queue: To Kill a Mockingbird

Tuesday Night Trivia: Movies and film

2010-04-14T03:57:00.002+01:00

In recent months, my roommates, K, and assorted Baltimore friends have begun a daily trivia contest. Each of us creates quizzes for dedicated days of the week (I have Tuesday), and then we e-mail them to each other. It's a great way to kill time at work, or to realize how dumb you are.

The rules:

1.) You must know the knowledge off the top of your head.
2.) Ten questions
3.) As many bonus questions as you want.
4.) New theme every week (i.e. food, sailing terminology, Harry Potter)
5.) No looking up the answers when you're taking the quiz.

So, I decided that every Tuesday night, I'll post my quiz from the day. If you want to participate, leave your answers in the comments. Maybe if this catches on I'll give away a prize or something.

1.) Three movies have won 11 Academy Awards in the same year. Name two
of them. (.5 each, 1 point bonus for the third)

2.) Match the famous quote to the film:

Casablanca
Taxi Driver
Dirty Harry
Gone With The Wind

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

“You talkin to me?”

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do
ya, punk?"

3.) What is the name of the shrimp company Forrest opens in the 1994
film “Forrest Gump?”

4.) There are four Indiana Jones films. Name them. (.25 each)

5.) Which of these four films did Martin Scorsese NOT direct?

a. Gangs of New York

b. Casino

c. The Departed

d. The Godfather, Part III

6.) What was the first feature film produced with sound? (One point
bonus: What year was it?)

7.) In the 2007 classic “Hot Rod,” what flavor punch upsets Rico’s stomach?

8.) What speed must Doc Brown’s DeLorean reach to time travel in the
Back to the Future films?

9.) What were the names of the two burglars in Home Alone and Home
Alone 2: Lost in New York? Character names, not actor names.

10.) What is the highest grossing film of all-time, worldwide?

Bonus #1: The movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High featured three future
Academy Award winners for Best Actor. Name them. (1 point each)

Bonus #2: Name as many members of the Ocean’s Eleven crew as possible.
Actor names, not character names. And I mean actual members of Danny
Ocean’s crew, not any other characters. Oh, and from the recent
Ocean’s Eleven film, not the one with Frank Sinatra back in the 60s.
Those are all the stipulations. (.5 each)

KFC's Double Down HAS ARRIVED

2010-04-13T03:46:00.003+01:00

Last September, I wrote about this sweet-ass new sandwich called the KFC Double Down. In lieu of buns, imagine two fried chicken breasts, straddling two slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese, two slices of bacon and a special sauce.

Well, it's here. Yesterday, April 12, will now be known as "The Day America Spoke," where we said "Screw bread, we need more meat."

Here's the skinny (or, not so skinny): 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and an incredible 1,380 milligrams of sodium.

So, here's the next step: find the Double Down. Eat the Double Down. Die Happy.

Friday Funhouse: Girls basketball FAIL

2010-04-09T16:24:00.003+01:00

This is honestly one of the funniest things I've seen in months. Do you like women's basketball? Of course not! Unless it's the University of Connecticut, it's a ton of "passing the ball" and "playing defense."

One high school team tried to change that, by enlisting a step ladder/ teammate to assist on a dunk. FAIL.

Thanks to Ross for pointing this out, via Deadspin

Brett Favre becomes a grandfather

2010-04-08T03:31:00.003+01:00

(Brittany Favre, right, baby mama)

I know this sounds like an article from The Onion, but it's true: Last week Brett Favre became a grandfather. His daughter Brittany, 21, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy April 2.

So, let me get this straight. Favre, 40, now has a grandson. An NFL player, a member of the most physical sports league in the world, is a grandfather. There's not even a joke I can make.

Oh, okay, there is one: as son as the baby popped out, he intercepted one of his grandfather's passes. Hey oh!

13 Word Review: Monster

2010-04-07T14:55:00.002+01:00

Monster (2003)
Directed by Patty Jenkins
Starring Charlize Theron and Christini Ricci

That was certainly a downer. Theron is magnificent, if not ugly as sin.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Gangs of New York

My Case For: Global warming

2010-04-05T01:50:00.002+01:00

It was 80 today. It's supposed to be 80 tomorrow, 82 Tuesday, and 82 Wednesday. Global warming = the earliest I've ever sat outside without a shirt on.

(Note: I do not support the following things about global warming:

- Rising sea levels to the point the New York and Amsterdam will be under water.

- Those poor polar bears!

- Men who jog around the restaurants near my office without a shirt on during lunch time, and I'm sitting outside just trying to eat some damn tacos.

- Woman who shouldn't be suntanning in April. Or ever.

- Men who shouldn't be suntanning. I guess men suntanning in general, present company excluded.

-Having to hear LFO's "Summer Girls" earlier and earlier each year.)

Friday Funhouse: The LeBomb James

2010-04-02T18:33:00.003+01:00

Joel initially told me about this, but it wasn't until now that I found the recipe. Without further ado:

The LeBomb James

- one shot Crown Royal
- one pint glass, half full of Red Bull
- three packets of Splenda

Drop the shot of Crown in the Red Bull, chug it, dump the Splenda in your hands and toss the Splenda into the air like LBJ. Watch as the rest of the bar cheers, then carries you out on their shoulders. Return to bar. Repeat.

13 Word Review: Donnie Brasco

2010-04-01T15:22:00.003+01:00

Donnie Brasco (1997)
Directed by Mike Newell
Starring Al Pacino and Johnny Depp

Good, not great, mob movie. Better than Corky Romano, worse than The Departed.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Monster

Live music, late nights: Wilco

2010-03-31T14:09:00.008+01:00

(So I decided I'll do this feature the day after every show I attend. Dates with The National, Double Dagger, and My Morning Jacket are coming up, so I think it will be fun.)

K and I went to our first Wilco show last night, and Jeff Tweedy and his ever-changing gang of a band did not disappoint. Below is a (kind of) thorough run-through of the setlist, which lasted for more than three hours. There may be some songs missing or out of order, but damn, they played more than 30 songs.

Highlights of the night (for me at least) included "I Am Trying to Break Your Heart" and a tribute to Alex Chilton with a cover of Big Star's "Thank You Friends." You don't realize just how much influence Big Star had over bands like Wilco until you hear one of their songs played by said band.

Anyway, a great performance by one of the tightest live bands I've ever seen. The only drawback? While the venue (The Music Hall at Strathmore) was great, it didn't really lend itself to an intimate performance. LOTS of empty space, even though the place was sold out.

1. Wilco (the song)
2. Bull Black Nova
3. Impossible Germany
4. You Are My Face
5. One Wing
6. Poor Places
7. Deeper Down
8. Kamera
9. Via Chicago
10. I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
11. A Shot in the Arm
12. Reservations
13. Handshake Drugs
14. At Least That's What You Said
15. Spiders (Kidsmoke)
16. Forget the Flowers
17. You and I
18. California Stars
19. When The Roses Bloom Again
20. Hate it Here
21. Walkin
22. Passenger Side
23. I'm the Man Who Loves You
24. You Never Know
25. Theologians
26. Jesus, Etc.
27. Heavy Metal Drummer
28. Thank You Friends (Big Star cover)

Encore:

29. Box Full of Letters
30. Hoodoo Voodoo
31. I'm a Wheel

How a Tostitos bag blew my mind

2010-03-30T03:21:00.003+01:00

I eat a fair amount of Tostitos. Probably more than I should, and definitely more than any other tortilla chip brand. So when I saw this post on Texts From Last Night, my head nearly exploded:

(519):
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

I sprinted into Bert's room, where a veritable graveyard of Tostitos bags usually resides. And there, plain as day, were two wonderful amputees, dipping one tortilla chip into a baptismal font of salsa.

How have I missed this my entire chip-eating life? I was almost as excited/angered at myself when I discovered the hidden arrow in the FedEx logo a few years ago. Tricky people, ad men.

Now my next question: does everyone else know about this? Am I the only moron stumbling around, blindly jabbing my hands into bags of chips? Are there other logos with these hidden symbols? I feel like I'm a character in the damn Da Vinci Code.

My Case For: MTV's current programming

2010-03-28T22:44:00.004+01:00

On Feb. 8, 2010, Music Television died, and MTV took over. It doesn’t matter that MTV has been known as just MTV for decades, the transition from two-word phrase to meaningless acronym was actually important: the channel had changed.

And, I think, it’s changed for the better.

See the world doesn’t need Music Television anymore. The concept has run its course. If people want music now, they find it online, or on iTunes, or in Target commercials. Even if MTV still played music videos, would I sit down for a half hour and just watch them? No. The whole concept seems laughably arcane.

Instead of music videos, MTV has filled its hours with a lovable blend of teenage kitsch, 20-something semi-seriousness, and Snooki. And it’s the better for it.

Take the show “16 and Pregnant” for example. Could you imagine even trying to air that show 15 years ago? Showing c-sections on a channel aimed at 17-year-old girls?

I was watching the show earlier today, and Samantha and Eric were about to have their first child. After 15 hours of labor, Jordynn finally popped out. 15 excruciating, bloody, disgusting hours. High school health classes should just show episodes of “16 and Pregnant” on loop, then post screenshots of the birthing scenes around the girls locker rooms. Necking under the bleachers would plummet.

And “16 and Pregnant” is just one example.

“Jersey Shore” kicks ass. I can't even imagine using the word "situation" in a sentence now without thinking about the show.

“The Hills” has been better than any season of The Real World since 1997.

And I would watch any episode of “Teen Mom” over a collection of Beyonce and Justin Bieber videos any day of the week.

Yes, I understand that shows like “Headbangers Ball,” "Yo! MTV Raps," and “120 Minutes” were important to the way music was consumed, and probably changed the path of the music industry forever. And yes, I do miss seeing Ananda Lewis (my first interracial crush!). But Music Television is unnecessary now.

If I want music, I go to Pitchfork or one of the 100 million other music blogs out there. If I want mindless entertainment, I turn to MTV.

A bonus for all those Ananda fans out there:

13 Word Review: In the Loop

2010-03-27T14:55:00.002Z

In the Loop (2009)
Directed by Armando Iannucci
Starring Tom Hollander and Peter Capaldi

Flawless blend of American and British humor. Funniest movie I've seen in months.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Monster

Friday Funhouse: the "What the hell happened to D'Angelo" version

2010-03-26T13:53:00.004Z

Everyone remembers D'Angelo:

Lady-killer. Silky-smooth R&B sensation. Apostrophes.

Well here's D'Angelo now, after being arrested for solicitation of a prostitute earlier this month:

Yeeeeeeesh.

Anyway, here's a reminder of why everyone loved him to begin with.

Two new HBO trailers: Treme and Boardwalk Empire

2010-03-25T14:05:00.003Z

You may remember back in March 2009 I mentioned a new HBO show, produced by The Wire creator David Simon. Well a trailer is finally available, and the show looks awesome:

Trailer

Oh and did I mention HBO's other new show, Boardwalk Empire? It just stars Steve Buscemi, is written by a former Sopranos writer, and is directed by, ahem, Martin Scorsese. No big deal.

Preview Trailer #2

Treme is set to begin April 11, and Boardwalk Empire comes to the small screen in September.

Via AV Club

What I've Been Listening To: March 2010

2010-03-24T02:31:00.005Z

New feature: instead of just randomly adding songs and albums I've been listening to, I'm going to do a monthly compendium of my favorite new music, and maybe some old. So that's that.

Album I'm super looking forward to: The Hold Steady "Heaven is Whenever"

New Hold Steady album May 4. Combined with the new Broken Social Scene and New Pornographers albums the next week, it seems like May is shaping up to be a great month for new music by bands with funny names.

The first single off the new album is entitled "Hurricane J." Initial reaction? Meh. But that's how I felt about "Sequestered in Memphis" off the Hold Steady's last album, and then the record showed up and was super good so what do I know?

Have a listen for yourself:

Album that I already know kicks ass: Titus Andronicus "The Monitor"

I haven't listened to one album more in the past month than this one. A self-centered concept album about the Civil War and the lead singer's upbringing in New Jersey? I'm in!

The first track totally kills, if you can make it through the intro. Imagine Minor Threat filtered through Born to Run. I'm not even kidding.

New track that could be mean an album is going to be awesome, or totally terrible: Drake "Over"

I think I like it? Maybe? I loved it at first, but now I don't know. I guess we'll see in May, when his debut album "Thank Me Later" comes out.

Old school track: Weezer "The World Has Turned And Left Me Here"

Why? It's spring.

What have you been listening to?

13 Word Review: A Serious Man

2010-03-23T03:34:00.002Z

A Serious Man (2009)
Directed by Joel and Ethan Coen
Starring Michael Stuhlbarg

The Jewish idiosyncrasies reminded me of Woody Allen, without all the self-pity. Excellent.

Up next in the Netflix queue: In The Loop

An announcement!

2010-03-22T14:24:00.002Z

Okay it's really more of a pronouncement than an announcement. I'M BACK.

Ten days is too long to be away, and before that I had really fallen down on my duties as a blogger. I was more like a blogger emeritus, blogging when I felt like it, and kind of mailing it in.

But that ends today! (Or tomorrow technically.) "My Case For:" and the Friday Funhouse will both return, and I'll try and return to my seven days-a-week habit.

So for the six of you who care, I'm back baby!

The Maverick photo caption contest winner is...

2010-03-12T15:11:00.003Z

Jesse!

Promo photo taken just before their Wham! cover band, The Young Guns, broke up.

Good work this time folks. Oh and Jesse, I'll buy you a beer the next time I see you.

Photo Caption Contest: Maverick edition

2010-03-11T14:22:00.002Z

You all know the drill by now: come up with a spiffy caption/ headline for this photo, win a prize. The winner will be announced Friday.

Here are some previous contests.

Oh and the last few have brought in limited responses, so step up your game people.

(via @sportsguy33)

Zooey Deschanel, somehow even more adorable than you remember

2010-03-10T04:12:00.004Z

She broke your heart in Elf! (500) Days of Summer! That weird movie with Will Ferrell that wasn't Elf, I think it was called Winter Passing!

And now she's back in the new video for She and Him.

Help Wanted: Dallas

2010-03-09T15:26:00.001Z

So K and I are heading to Dallas next Monday for a bit of vacay.

Problem is, we don't know what to do there. Any suggestions? We'll have a car, so we can pretty much do anything.

The odder the better.

Now introducing: food theme parks

2010-03-08T14:56:00.004Z

Okay well maybe just one theme park: Gyoza Stadium.

You know gyoza, those pork-filled, heaven in dough, Japanese potstickers. Well now they have their own theme park.

Set in Tokyo's Ikebukuro district, Gyoza Stadium is basically the most delicious thing I've ever heard of.

As described by Cabel's Blog:

It's not a stadium. But imagine, if you will, a very quaint Japanese town in the year 1953. Stone-lined winding alleyways with beat-up posters, tangled wiring, neon signs and lanterns, with classic Japanese 50's music playing from tinny radios.

Now imagine that the street is lined with lots and lots of tiny little gyoza restaurants, each serving a different kind of gyoza invented by a different famous chef, each unique, and all made to order. And they have beer.

After reading this, I immediately searched for plane tickets to Japan.

And imagine how incredibly popular a food theme park would be in the ol' U.S.A. Hamburger Heaven, or Pizza Palace, or the Cotton Candy Kingdom? Disney would shut down in less than two years.

2010 Academy Awards: Best Picture rankings

2010-03-04T15:21:00.010Z

A quick note: I have not seen "Precious," "A Serious Man," or "Avatar." There is no real reason that I haven't.

Without further ado, my ranking of the remaining seven Best Picture nominees, complete with their own 13 Word Review.

7. The Blind Side

Liked it more than I thought I would, but Bullock doesn't deserve Oscar.

6. District 9

A good movie, not a great one. Pretty predictable. Interesting political statements though.

5. An Education

Sweet clothes, but was anyone else disturbed this girl was dating a 30-year-old?

4. Up

Wish I could put it higher. A perfect movie. And yes I cried.

3. Inglourious Basterds

Tarentino's best movie since "Pulp." Spot-on dialogue, and just enough blood and guts.

2. The Hurt Locker

A great film anchored by a great actor. Most emotional action movie ever?

1. Up in the Air

Funny, sad, but ultimately hopeful. Or not. The last scene is pretty ambiguous.

$700. For sneakers.

2010-03-03T14:34:00.004Z

Would you pay $700 for these?

No? Well other people will. These are the new Hyperdunk Kobe Bryant Aston Martin Edition sneaks, and they're out this weekend.

Remember that video a few years ago when Kobe jumped over that Aston Martin? Well that probably has something to do with these.

So I guess if you want to blow a month's rent (or two months if you live in lovely Baltimore like myself) head over to OSneaker. Oh and they only made 500 pairs, so snatch up a few quickly.

Tim Burton's latest remake: Weekend at Bernie's

2010-03-02T04:23:00.003Z

March 1, 2010

Tim Burton to bring "Weekend at Bernie's" back to the big screen

Los Angeles, Cali.- Hot on the heels of this weekend's release of Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland," Disney is please to announce Mr. Burton's next remake: Weekend at Bernie's.

Burton's imaginative take on the seemingly innocuous, can't-believe-they-made-a-remake 1989 film is set to shoot in early 2011. Burton stalwarts Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are expected to appear in the film. Duh.

"In the original film, I saw a very dark, troubled soul in Mr. Lomax," Burton said while brooding. "I think Johnny could play a dead man very well."

The film is expected to be released in early 2012.

Please see attached trailer

Sideline reporter should stick with watching sports

2010-03-01T16:30:00.002Z

We all remember the Boom Goes the Dynamite kid, made famous back before YouTube was a verb. I think it was in the 1970s or something, or maybe 2005.

Well now there's someone equally enthralling/ horrible at his job. Enter Jon Jankowski, student sideline reporter.

(So I did a quick Google Image search for "sideline reporter" to grab an image for this post, and here are the first 25 results: 11 Erin Andrews photos, 7 photos of other sassy female reporters, 1 photo of a woman in lingerie, and 1 photo of Erin Andrews' ass. How would Craig Sager feel?)

13 Word Review: Big Fan

2010-03-01T02:33:00.002Z

Big Fan (2009)
Directed by Robert Siegel
Starring Patton Oswalt

A great lead performance, not a great movie. Oswalt should do more dramas.

Up next in the Netflix queue: A Serious Man

Friday Funhouse: Kid Cudi and Vampire Weekend

2010-02-26T15:01:00.002Z

So this song is a month old now, but I've been crushing it since then. Cudi, Vampire Weekend, enjoy.

James Earl Jones scares the hell out of children on Sesame Street

2010-02-25T14:22:00.002Z

According to Sesame Street's Twitter account (yes, blah blah blah joke here) James Earl Jones was the first celebrity guest on Sesame Street, back in 1969.

What followed was perhaps the most terrifying ABCs lesson in the history of mankind. Seems like he was preparing for his later role as Darth Vader.

The Miracle on Ice, according to a five-year-old

2010-02-23T14:22:00.003Z

My friend Glen posted this on Facebook yesterday, and I had to share it.

Meet Josh Sacco, a five-year-old from Tennessee. Last summer, he memorized the entire speech Herb Brooks (as channeled by Kurt Russell in the movie "Miracle") gave before the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team went out and CRUSHED THOSE DIRTY DIRTY COMMUNISTS.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the U.S. Olympic Team flew him to Vancouver this past week, where he recited the speech to the team before they CRUSHED THOSE DIRTY DIRTY CANUCKS.

If this kid doesn't make you feel like an American, get out.

Ryan Miller's Olympic mask is the most patriotic thing I've ever seen

2010-02-22T15:06:00.004Z

Watching the United States vs. Canada hockey game last night, I was obviously super-pumped to a.) be an American, and b.)still be better than Canada at everything.

Then I saw the close-up of Ryan Miller's amazing mask, and my patriotism went to Johnny Appleseed fighting Nazis with bomb-dropping bald-eagles jingoism.

As if having Uncle Sam on your mask isn't enough, Miller turned him into a jacked-up, demonic Uncle Sam, with a USA tattoo, as if the whole red, white, and blue outfit wasn't enough.

And I think the other side features a bald eagle ripping through his helmet.

(FYI- I did notice this earlier in the Olympics, I just forgot to write about it. But I got the red, white, and blue flowing today.)

Friday Funhouse: Me and The Captain, making it happen

2010-02-19T05:14:00.002Z

Bert, my brother Drew and I were just bumming around Baltimore last night when this glorious sight appeared in the doorway. Needless to say, IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

I wish I was as witty as Dalton Duncan

2010-02-17T21:53:00.007Z

Redmond Junior High School
TEACHER-ASSIGNED DETENTION NOTICE

Student: Dalton Duncan
Teacher: K Krause

Reason for detention: "Another student made the comment 'You need to push it in further' (innocent comment)and Dalton added 'That's what she said'."

Report to stage by B lunch and remain until end of B lunch

One hour in detention? Well worth it Dalton. (Slow clap)

Tests show King Tut died of malaria. Who cares?

2010-02-17T16:23:00.002Z

The title of this post is also a headline I saw on the front page of the New York Times Web site yesterday (Well, at least the first part).

To which I say: "Really?"

This is the most important news of the day? That we've discovered the cause of death of a unimportant boy-king more than 3,000 years after his death?

Who cares? Who cares that he had a cleft palate and broken leg when he died? I usually don't get all juiced up about headlines and news coverage, but this just seems ridiculous.

Insane Clown Posse... yes, they still exist

2010-02-16T02:01:00.007Z

Remember that summer between middle school and high school, when the sort-of odd classmate transformed into the silk dragon shirt-wearing, not-showering, Insane Clown Posse-listening, could-be-crazy-enough-to-blow-this-place-up ninth grader? Well that kid now has his own kid, and is passing along his love of all things Juggalo to his daughter.

As an aside, the Insane Clown Posse Wikipedia page is one of the most thoroughly cited, well-written Wikipedia pages I've ever come across. Amazing for a group who founded a record label named Psychopathic Records.

via AV Club

Friday Funhouse: UFC's finest

2010-02-12T15:51:00.002Z

I watch UFC when it's on. I don't seek it out, or go to bars to watch it (okay I did this once and it was super-awesome, but I kind of felt dirty watching a human cockfight in a bar. Call me old-fashioned.)

Despite that, this photo is awesome. Amir Sadollah, winner of the seventh season of The Ultimate Fighter, recently post this to his personal Web site. And it makes me smile.

(Via Geek Week)

Tracy Porter's Super Bowl interception, in all its Techmo glory

2010-02-10T14:26:00.002Z

Tracy Porter's interception in Sunday's Super Bowl basically sealed the win for the New Orleans Saints. But what if it happened in a video game instead?

Snowpocalypse 3: Rise of the Machines

2010-02-09T14:29:00.005Z

Since Baltimore is slated to receive another 10-20" of snow tonight into tomorrow, I thought now would be as good a time as any to recap some of the names we came up with for the past storm. Feel free to use them as your own.

Bert C., Erin D., K, and I came up with most of these:

-SNOW COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (K's favorite, though it was created by Bert)

-SNOW! MTV RAPS

-EDGAR ALLEN SNOW (A Baltimore favorite)

-SNOW THE HUMANITY!

-VINCENT VAN SNOW

-SNOW MERCY

-POINT OF SNOW RETURN (thus searing the Kansas song "Point of No Return" into my head since Friday)

-SNOWED TO JOY

-SNOW WAY OUT

-SNOW BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?

-QUID PRO SNOW

-SHOELESS SNOW JACKSON (banned from sledding for life)

13 Word Review: Inglourious Basterds

2010-02-04T04:17:00.002Z

Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Starring Brad Pitt

I'm going to just say it: Tarantino's best film. The dialogue was phenomenal.

Up next in the Netflix queue: District 9

Somewhere, Anthony Bourdain is getting a deadbolt for his front door

2010-02-03T13:50:00.003Z

From time to time, we like to poke fun at people's tattoos around here. Whether it's Popeyes guy or Mortal Kombat man, we all can have a good laugh.

But when the tattoos cross into pictures of people you don't even know? Real people? Yikesssss.

This guy is either:

a.) a chef himself, and fashioned a leg tat with his three heroes: Eric Ripert, Masaharu Morimoto, and Anthony Bourdain

b.) a huge fan of Top Chef, Iron Chef, and No Reservations

c.) a fan of Anthony Bourdain, a man who sort of looks like a "Deer Hunter" era Christopher Walken, and a half man-half bulldog.

I guess it's up to us to decide. Anyone have a tattoo of another human being, and, if not, who WOULD you get?

OMC singer Pauly Fuemana dies (Insert joke here)

2010-02-02T14:50:00.004Z

Man things have gotten heavy around here, haven't they? First JD Salinger, and now this? I feel like my world has been turned upside-down.

Turns out he died after a short illness. He was 40.

While this is sad, you know when OMC's "How Bizarre" filled the airwaves in 1995, it crushed. Fourth-grade Brad was all like "Hell yeah this song is amazing, it makes me want to slick back my hair and cruise down the freeway in the hot, hot sun."

Fun fact: Fuemana was from New Zealand. Yeah, let that one sink in for a minute.

Anyway, enjoy this video. Alright, enjoy his ONLY video. RIP HOMEY.

RIP JD Salinger

2010-01-28T18:14:00.003Z

Apparently JD Salinger has died.

Although I didn't like "Catcher in the Rye" as much as every one said I should, his literary talent was immense, and his influence just as much so.

I also admired his ability to just sort of disappear for the last thirty years or whatever, just giving a middle finger to the rest of the world.

Anyway, good luck Mr. Salinger.

Hope for Haiti? Not when Jared Leto crashes the party

2010-01-27T04:55:00.007Z

So, last Friday, like a bajillion celebrities got together to host the Hope for Haiti Now fundraiser.

Leonardo DiCaprio was there:

Oh, and so were Justin Timberlake and Bradley Cooper:

And so was...Jared Leto?

How pissed would you be if you called the fundraiser, hoping to speak with George Clooney or Julia Roberts or Jack Nicholson, and you ended up with Jared Leto?

Jared Leto: "Hey I'm Jared Leto, I'm here to man one of the phones?"

Show Producer: "Oh...hey Jared Leto. Did you get an invitation?"

JL: "Um, yeah. I'm sure I have it here somewhere." (pretends to look for invitation in jacket) "Looks like I left it at home."

SP: "Damn it...alright look: you can sit up on the stage, but don't look at Mr. Clooney."

JL: "Deal."

Plus, did he think it was some sort of Harry Potter-themed fundraiser?

13 Word Review: The Hurt Locker

2010-01-26T04:48:00.002Z

The Hurt Locker (2008)
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow
Starring Jeremy Renner

A brilliant, visceral look at war. What "Black Hawk Down" wishes it was.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Inglourious Basterds

My Case For: The 2010-2011 New York Jets

2010-01-25T12:34:00.002Z

Many will say this year's New York Jets were a fluke, their playoff run a confluence of overrated teams and two defensive players (Darrelle Revis and Jim Leonhard).

In my opinion, though, the Jets will be even better next year.

From an offensive standpoint, the Jets are barely scratching the surface of their potential. Yes they had the number one rushing offensive in the NFL this year, but that doesn't include Leon Washington, who broke his fibula in October. Even if Thomas Jones isn't re-signed, Shonn Greene shows that he can not only shoulder Jones' down-the-field running style, but can also run laterally, something Jones was not as good at.

The reemergence of Washington also allows Jerricho Cotchery to return exclusively to offense, instead of also taking kickoff returns.

At the beginning of the season, Mark Sanchez showed brilliant talent. He was the NFL Rookie of the Month for September, and he led the Jets to a 3-0 start. Then October hit, and he was a train wreck for the rest of the season. What the playoffs prove, though, is that Sanchez can effectively lead a team, provided he doesn't turn the ball over. Remember- Sanchez only started 13 games while at USC, so this was only his second full season leading a team other than his high school squad.

As for defense, it's incredible that the Jets defense was able to gel so quickly with Rex Ryan's schemes. The number one defense in the NFL can only get better next year, with the return of four-time Pro Bowler Kris Jenkins.

My 2010-2011 prediction: 11-5, AFC East Champions

Friday Funhouse: The death of Taco Bell, and a pre-game warm up video that will melt your face

2010-01-22T14:14:00.003Z

First off, some sad news: the founder of Taco Bell died this week. The happy news: somehow this book was written at one point about his meteoric rise to the top of the cheap Mexican world:

Then there is this soul-destroying, adrenaline rush-inducing, American flag-waving pre-game warm-up video from the University of Alaska-Fairbanks' hockey team.

Do you like polar bears destroying ships with hockey sticks? How about polar bears wearing aviators and flying fighter jets? Who the hell doesn't?

How YOU can get your hands on an autographed DJ Pauly D poster

2010-01-21T14:42:00.005Z

Everyone loves Jersey Shore. This is a statement, not an opinion.

So why wouldn't you want to have your very own autographed DJ Pauly D poster? That's right, for only $19.99 (or $29.99 for a personalized message) you can be the proud owner of a signed DJ Pauly D poster!

Maybe you'd like one of sensitive Pauly D:

Or sassy, playful Pauly D:

Maybe shirtless Pauly D is more your speed:

Well whatever your tastes, you can get them all here. They make the perfect Valetine's Day present.

Sorry about the poor image quality. The fine folks at mtvdjpaulyd.com had the smallest thumbnails ever.

How have I never watched 24 before?

2010-01-20T04:57:00.002Z

Seriously...I started watching Season One of 24 last night, and I've now watched six hours. Yes, six of the past 24 hours of my own life have been dedicated to a television show. (And yes, there is a "24 hours/ 24 the show" joke in there, I'm just too fried on patriotism and awesomeness to even think about).

How have none of you demanded that I watch this show before? My god! In the first six hours of the shittiest day you can imagine, Jack Bauer has:

1.) cut off a guy's finger,
2.) lost a daughter,
3.) gained a wife,
4.) broken someone out of jail,
5.) broken into a building,
6.) immediately facilitated the murder of a cop,

and wow that was exhausting.

Anyway, badass. Like "if this guy somehow walks on water or starts turning a basket of fish and bread into a cafeteria full of it I won't be surprised" badass.

It also makes me want to become a counter-terrorism expert. But when I Googled "counter-terrorism expert journalism" all that came up was a GIF of Jack Bauer saying "You're not good enough" over and over again. And I was okay with that.

The World's Most Expensive Ham

2010-01-19T04:55:00.005Z

So the world's most expensive ham went on sale in London Monday, blah, blah, $3,000, blah, blah, comes with a DNA certificate, blah, blah, fed only on acorns or something.

ANYWAY, how awesome is this ad for the ham? A few observations:

- Did they steal the set/font of a 1970's era porno?

- Did they mistakenly use a really old, dried out ham instead of this:

-How great is it that the foot is still on the ham? It looks like they just lopped the pig's leg clear off.